Adolescence is often associated with rebellion, but do we really understand what is going on internally in the adolescent psyche? This period of life is characterized by profound and painful transformations. As adolescents go through pubertal onset, they abandon their status as a child and face the loss of their childhood and their childhood parents. These three grieves—the loss of childhood, of the child's body, and of childhood parents—create an internal whirlwind that is manifested in external behavior.
Adolescents face these changes simultaneously, which can cause pain and fear. Everyone struggles with their own psychic reality, and the expression of phrases such as “you don't understand me, no one understands me” is a way of externalizing the difficulties and suffering that they feel internally. This rebellion and apparent misunderstanding are reflections of a complex and painful internal battle.
In this context, it is crucial that parents maintain an active and supportive presence. Teens need clear and consistent boundaries. Often, parents, fearful of confronting their children, allow behaviors such as “coming back any time they want, doing what they want and eating what they want.” However, this laissez-faire can leave the adolescent in a vulnerable and lost position among their peers, who are also dealing with their own internal whirlwind.
It's critical that parents aren't afraid to set boundaries and say “no”. This refusal, although it may be difficult for the adolescent at the time, is a structuring response that gives meaning to their development process. Saying “no” can be an act of love and restraint, which although it may be met with temporary displeasure, is valuable for adolescent emotional development. Accepting that teens may feel frustrated or angry in the short term, and recognizing that this “no” is a crucial form of support during their growth process, is essential.
Adolescents need to rebel as part of the process of leaving childhood behind and moving toward adulthood. The presence and support of parents during this process are vital in helping teens navigate these transitions with a sense of security and direction.
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